Punchy Mommy Believes in Life

Well, the clot is still there. I was really hoping that this would have resolved during the past six months. I don’t know how long this will take to resolve but for now you will be on the blood thinner indefinitely. I looked at DH and back at the doctor and said, ok, but this is better than having cancer, right?

Somewhere along the way I’ve lost my ability to differentiate bad from terrible. At this point, anything but a perfect clean bill of health feels like defeat. Oh my god yes. This is better than relapse. Stunned at what I was hearing, I stared blankly. But people die from blood clots. What if it breaks off and goes to my lungs? My doctor said, luckily your blood clot is very small. Note: he didn’t say you won’t die.

I had an MRI the other day and the blood clot/tissue thing is still there. Right there, hanging around in my heart. Recall when I had a 13 cm tumor in my chest? Remember when it invaded the wall of my SVC and wound it’s way into my right atrium? Well, when the beast was finally killed and left my heart it also left behind some scar tissue, some component of which may be blood clot. My brain-trust came to the consensus that it’s too dangerous to take this thingy out so I just have to wait and hope that it goes away. I also get to wait and hope that I don’t have to be on a blood thinner, a twice daily injection, for the rest of my life; that I can have another baby while on blood thinners and while this thingy hangs around in my heart; and that something truly terrible doesn’t happen. The good news? This is all better than having cancer.

Can I get off this ride?