Leap of faith

by punchmommybelievesinlife

Tree-Swing

In the middle of field, under a great big tree, there is swing waiting for me.
I sit on the swing and pump and pump and pump my legs until I reach a height perfect for the jump.
But instead, I swing. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Woosh. The wind rushes past my body as the swing carries me back and up.
This is the year of life…I thought.
Woosh. The wind rushes past my body as the swing carries me forward and up.
You have a 13 cm tumor in your chest that is completely blocking your superior vena cava and has extended into your heart and blocking 80% of your right atrium.
Back.
Will my fertility be affected by the chemo?
Forth.
No, it should not be affected.
Back.
What about embryo freezing? Egg freezing? Ovarian tissue freezing? Ovarian suppression? Should I do anything?
Forth.
You have a 13 cm tumor in your chest that is completely blocking your superior vena cava and has extended into your heart and blocking 80% of your right atrium.
Back.
What about Lupron? Won’t that protect my ovaries?
Forth.
We feel strongly that no hormonal manipulation should be done. This is a highly curative lymphoma and we have no assurances that this could not affect the ontological outcome. Furthermore, there is no clear evidence that this even works and we have not had issues with fertility in young women.
Back.
So there is nothing I can do? I thought this was the year of life.
Forth.
You have a 13 cm tumor in your chest that is completely blocking your superior vena cava and has extended into your heart and blocking 80% of your right atrium.
Back.
Out of options and out of time, I sat on my swing staring at the pine.
Suspended in the air, I was alone in my lair.
It’s time, they said. And so, with one last pump.
I jumped.

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