The biggest betrayal yet

by punchmommybelievesinlife

I’ve worked hard. Sure, I could’ve worked harder, but I cared, I cared a lot about my health. I worked out a lot. I went to the gym and walked outside. I was active. Biking, rollerblading, yoga, swimming, Pilates, I’ve done it all. I ate well too. I could’ve done more, been more dedicated, had fewer cookies.

I heard my body telling me something. I heard it complaining. I felt the pains. I noticed the changes. But I ignored them. Not on purpose. I was just living my life and trying to get by.

Why didn’t I know I had a tumor? Why didn’t I know it was blocking my superior vena cava? Why didn’t I know it was in my heart? Why didn’t I know I was sick? Why did I play down each side effect as they appeared? Why didn’t I take it seriously? How could I be so blind to the fact that something was wrong? How could my body do this to me? I’m ashamed that I ignored the signs and I feel betrayed that they were there in the first place. I thought I was in control but it was controlling me.